Traffic cop secrets: “People say they hope I get cancer and die. It concerns you

Greg Austin tells Nick Durden that the public misunderstands the role of traffic cops, or civilian enforcers as they are now called. He is used to verbal abuse and says that most of it is “not in my head”. But it’s partly “not fun,” adds the 58-year-old who works for APCOA, which oversees parking for Maidstone City Council.

“There is a long-standing myth that the security forces just hand out as many fines as possible, but this is not true. Our job is to keep traffic flowing; a fine is a last resort.

We drive through central cities, on streets with double yellow lines, helping people who have parked where they shouldn’t, especially when they interfere with emergency services. If they don’t go further, we will issue a fine, but whenever possible, we always issue a fair warning first. And we always politely ask.

I used to have an office job, but I retrained in 2014 and have been walking the streets of Kent ever since. This is much needed work, valuable work, but of course it has its problems. The average working day is eight hours long and you can walk eight to ten miles a day. Now I’m in better shape than ever. Still a little plump, but much, much thinner than me. All this walking makes your legs stronger and the fresh air is good for you.

For civilian law enforcers, there is never a question of how many fines we impose per day. There are no goals, and we are definitely not paid for the amount spent. There may be more people on weekends as more people go shopping, but it all depends on the circumstances. We just go with what we find. I have to constantly remind people of this. Just yesterday, a woman insisted that I be paid a commission. Not me, I get a normal salary.

Conflict resolution is an important part of professional training. You are constantly insulted. If there was an offensive bingo card, I would have a thousand full houses! You get it from cars passing by, from people who, as they pass you, mumble furtively: swear words, slander, the whole bunch. The insult itself is not against me, it is against the uniform, so you get used to it. After eight years at work, this is out of my control and out of my control.

That being said, I hate – and any official will tell you this – when people say they hope we get cancer and they hope we die. It hits you. It’s not fun, is it? You shouldn’t wish this on anyone. I just tell them, “Look, I’m not giving out tickets because today is Tuesday or it’s July or October or whatever; it’s because you parked your car where you shouldn’t have, or because you’ve overstayed your parking time.” As I said, our job is to keep traffic going.

I got knocked down once, it must have been a few years ago. Hit your head on the concrete. But I was fine, absolutely fine, although my manager took me to the hospital just in case. I was just writing a parking ticket when a couple came back and one of them punched me and knocked me to the ground. I went there but they didn’t stop to see if I was okay. They just left. Everything was filmed on camera. Management always pursues those who insult their colleagues.

Over time, you will learn to read the situation. For example, if there’s a group of guys in front of me and I want to tag a car, they might start saying, “Hey, that’s my dad’s car, my mom’s car.” So I’ll go the other way and be back in five minutes. I know the signals when I need to step back to defuse the situation before it starts. You are actually reading the room. You don’t want to promote anything that might escalate.

I never took revenge, no. Your professionalism takes over; I’m in front of the camera too. This is how we always behave. To be honest, I enjoy my work and don’t feel guilty about wasting my tickets. I always say that the car does not automatically enter the double yellow line, does not park incorrectly, someone does. And if they leave their car there, of course we have to fine them.

We are a close-knit group, civilian security forces. We have great small talk, we laugh a lot, tease each other, and no one takes anything too seriously. And we definitely support each other. After all, it’s a job and we want to do it right.

Of course, if everyone on the street kept in line, we wouldn’t be needed. But they don’t, do they?”