If you’ve ever tried to cut down on your alcohol consumption, you know that one of your biggest stumbling blocks is other people. You can learn to deal with the urge to drink on your own, but it’s much harder to deal with a colleague who offers cocktails or a friend who gets offended when you don’t drink at their party. But what if you live with your sobriety stumbling block?
Today, my husband and I have a different attitude towards drinking, but it was not always so. We met at a party where the drinks were free (we’re journalists, not an industry known for being sober) and continued to drink at dinner parties and messy weekends. When we moved in together, we always had a well-stocked refrigerator with drinks, and dinner is not dinner without a bottle of wine.
When I got pregnant, our drinking habits diverged. Jonathan did not stop drinking out of sober solidarity, as some future fathers do, but took it back a little. This was followed by a period of several years when I was either pregnant or trying to get pregnant, recovering from childbirth or taking care of small children and waking up at 5 in the morning.
Now that our kids are in school and having fun on the weekends, I might decide to go back to drinking like I used to. But I dont want. I like the clear head, clear skin, and clear conscience that come with not drinking. I even wrote a book about it called Mindful Drinking: How Quitting Alcohol Can Change Your Life.
Benefits range from increased energy and focus to improved mood and sleep. It also reduces the risk of disease, including cancer: a big boost considering we’ve had a high proportion of health-related close misses since the age of 40.
And once you start drinking less, it becomes very clear how unsexy it is to be drunk. Squishing, stumbling and—oh my god—morning breath. There comes a point in life when you start finding things sexy. The sleazy guys I liked in my early twenties now seem like a tragedy. These days I feel very hot when a man can assemble furniture, make a nutritious chickpea curry and calmly drive a group of hyperactive eight-year-olds.
Laura Willoughby, co-founder of the Soda Club movement for mindful drinking, is opening the UK’s first soft drink tasting room on Drury Lane in London this week. She tells me that different drinking patterns can aggravate some relationships, but on the other hand, healthy changes in one partner can have a positive effect on the other. The key is to focus on different ways to stay connected.
“Many couples relax and chat over drinks,” she says. “But your conversation is more important than what you consume together. Choose a soft drink for yourself and you can spend time together. Also, remember that spending time apart is okay. “You don’t have to share all your interests, including drinking,” Laura says. “Find activities that support your well-being and you will bring new energy into your relationship.”
Overall, Jonathan and I are doing pretty well with our drinking inequality. I will never drink at home again while he is drinking beer. When we meet with friends for lunch, we now often come with a pack of kombucha and a bottle of wine. He drinks more than me, but also less than before – at least for a week. This has been happening over the last few years, perhaps in part because of the pandemic.
During the lockdown, it was easy for many social media drinkers to cut back or even stop drinking once they stopped going outside. While those who regularly drank at home—out of habit or to cope with stress or anxiety—found their drinking spiraling out of control. In 2020, alcohol-related deaths in the UK were 18.6% higher than in 2019, the highest on record. Alcohol consumption is now on the decline as fewer young people are abusing alcohol, as many of us did in the pre-social media era. Overall consumption has fallen 16 percent since 2004.
All this suggests that while there are fewer drinkers in the general population, there are more problem drinkers. Alcohol Change UK estimates that about 82% of alcohol addicts do not have access to treatment. And a 2017 report found that men drink alcohol more often than women, with the 45-64 age group most likely to drink alcohol.
If your partner’s drinking has reached a stage where you are concerned about social situations or interfering with parenting or finances, this needs to be addressed. But how? What doesn’t work is outright declaring that they need to drink less without timing.
David Wilson knows this all too well. After battling his own alcohol addiction, he became a sobriety coach, helping people struggling with the same issues and sharing advice on Instagram @SoberDave. “It’s important to time the conversation correctly, not when they’re hungover or just before they usually drink,” he says. “Take a walk to change your landscape. Try to be understanding, not confrontational. I know it’s hard as hell, but the worst thing you can do is give an ultimatum.”
If you’re concerned about this, it’s important to get support because people often bear the shame of their partner’s drinking and make excuses and defend them. This may make you feel isolated. Organizations like Al-Anon or With You can be of great help.
If your situation is one of unbearable drinking rather than a serious addiction, the best thing you can do is lead by example. This doesn’t mean endless talk about how much better life is when you don’t drink. This may seem hypocritical and condescending, and your partner will feel condemned.
Instead, think of it like parenting. Everyone knows that you cannot force a child to eat vegetables by putting yourself above him and insisting that he do it. This happens when eating vegetables is a normal part of a happy family. They say you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. However, if the horse (your partner) sees that you are enjoying sipping kombucha, he will most likely join you quickly.
Mindful Drinking: How Quitting Alcohol Can Change Your LifeRosamund Dean
Source: I News
I’m Raymond Molina, a professional writer and journalist with over 5 years of experience in the media industry. I currently work for 24 News Reporters, where I write for the health section of their news website. In my role, I am responsible for researching and writing stories on current health trends and issues. My articles are often seen as thought-provoking pieces that provide valuable insight into the state of society’s wellbeing.