The man described Daily mail first person experience of living with sex addiction. He begins by saying that he has a chronic and destructive disease, just like people who are addicted to alcohol, drugs, food, gambling or theft, but that he is undergoing treatment.
“My addiction has damaged my relationships, my self-esteem and my mental well-being. However, it is an addiction that I am finally learning to cope with. It wasn’t until I sat down in couples therapy with my ex – the wife I was, Julia, seven years ago, was when I realized the cost my behavior had caused her,” he states.
It was at the first consultation, on a summer day in 2017, that her ex-partner sobbed as she spoke openly about how her four-year marriage had left her feeling worthless, how she struggled to cope with the grueling demands of sex. up to five times a day, and how she doubted herself as a wife when her husband still did not feel satisfied and insisted on watching pornography.
“The truth is, she didn’t know the half of it. All those night walks when I couldn’t sleep? I visited prostitutes or met strangers in bars. When we said our wedding vows at a country hotel in 2013. – five years after our first date – I estimate that I have already slept with more than 300 women behind Yulia’s back.”
He took a home test for sexually transmitted diseases every Friday because he usually cheated during the week when he was working or on business trips, and because he knew he had more sex with his wife on the weekends.
For this man, the easiest way to describe sex addiction is thinking about sex all the time, even if it’s unconscious. “That cuddle on the couch automatically made me want sex. Just like holding hands or walking past an attractive woman on the street.”
“Nothing else matters except satisfying that sexual desire, which can sometimes mean ten minutes of watching porn alone and masturbating. I’ve told co-workers and friends countless times, “Excuse me, I’m just going to the bathroom.” a way to reset, just like a smoker might go out for a cigarette,” he explains.
After reflecting on himself, he admits that he has been a sex addict since he was 20 years old. “For me, sex started quite normally. I lost my virginity at 15 to my childhood sweetheart. We were just two passionate, horny teenagers who had sex every chance we got.”
Sex was not a topic I talked about with my parents, who both worked in the banking sector, and I even felt awkward when a sex scene was shown on television. Despite this, he decided to tell his parents when he was going to have sex for the first time.
“They were very embarrassed and I sat down on the stairs to listen to their conversation later. That’s when I heard my father joke: ‘I hope he’s well endowed.'” This comment made me realize that for my father, sex was all about male performances – and I intended to perform well.
After breaking up with his childhood sweetheart just after graduating from high school, he decided it was time to try sex with different women at university.
A few days later, he slept with someone after a party. Surprised by the ease with which he got the man into bed, he started a competition with his best friend to see who could sleep with the most women. “There was no timeline, and now I’m pretty sure that’s where my addiction took root.”
“From that moment on, wherever I went, I was focused on meeting a woman. The fact that I was attracted to her didn’t matter, sex was the only thing that mattered and I wasn’t thinking about having three women on a Saturday night. I never saw my behavior as a problem. I saw it as a rite of passage for a young, single man.”
He respected Julia very much and did not insist if she did not agree. Instead, he viewed large amounts of pornography while his wife slept. “Then there was my collection of sex toys, including expensive sex dolls. When I got tired of that, I found sex with other women on the Internet. Regular travel to the UK and abroad for work made things easier. I didn’t need a luxury hotel room. “My car or any public bathroom will do.”
After being married for about two years, Julia told him about his obsession with pornography and violent sex, but her husband ignored her, saying that all his friends were doing the same thing.
After discovering that her husband was cheating on her with a friend’s friend, they decided to go to couples therapy to save their marriage. “When Julia filed for divorce, I hit the self-destruct button and slept with more than ten women a week. By this time it became clearer to me that I needed help.”
In 2021, he met his current girlfriend, Nasha. Even though they had sex the night they met, he cooked him brunch the next day and decided to tell him about his problem.
“Her reaction completely shocked me. Her mother was an alcoholic, so she had a deep understanding of addiction and was able to separate my true self, which is loving and caring, from a man with an unhealthy need for sex.”
After much research, a few months later he saw a specialist who diagnosed him with compulsive sexual behavior. “The relief was like a stone lifted from my chest. For the first time I realized that I was not a terrible person. I had an addiction that I couldn’t control.”
He has already spent more than $10,000 (about 11 thousand euros) on treatment, and in recent years, under the guidance of his sex therapist, managing his desire has become a full-time job for him. “The most valuable thing she taught me is that I am not a bad person. I suffer from an addiction that makes me do terrible things. Now I can mentally separate these two things.”
“It helped me realize that my addiction was not about sex, but about wanting to feel accepted and get attention,” she said.
Author: Margarida Gaidao This Andrea Churra Pereira
Source: CM Jornal
I’m Dave Martin, and I’m an experienced journalist working in the news industry. As a part of my work, I write for 24 News Reporters, covering mostly sports-related topics. With more than 5 years of experience as a journalist, I have written numerous articles on various topics to provide accurate information to readers.