Traumas of a man abused by a priest at school: ‘Instead of waiting for someone to save me, I was afraid of being discovered’

Gerard Gorman was 11 years old when a priest began calling him into a separate room and subjecting him to all sorts of sexual abuse. In 1970, he began attending St. Colman’s, a religious school for boys in Ireland that is considered a status symbol. Gerard was a young boy at a new school where everyone seemed intimidating and distant. Except for religious education teacher Malachy Finegan, who was friendly, playful and supportive. He later turned out to be a sexual predator. Today, more than five decades later, Gerard told the newspaper The keeper the horror experienced at the hands of the parish priest, the “monster” who was “untouchable.”

It all started one day when Malachy Finegan waved at Gerard, smiled and led him to his private room. When she was with him, she asked him to sit on the sofa and closed the door. From that moment on, the terror began. According to the newspaper The keeper, the priest talked with the boy for a while and then approached his body. “His whole face enveloped me and erased everything else. I was wearing shorts and he put his hands on my penis,” he recalls.

Gerard admits that he didn’t scream. He explains that he did not understand what was happening and that he was “paralyzed” by the advances of the religious man. He also says he was afraid that someone would see this moment and think it was his fault.

“I heard voices coming from the corridor, but instead of waiting for someone to save me, I was afraid that I would be discovered. I was afraid that someone would open the door and blame me for what they were doing. What will they say? “How was I going to live with this?” – he recalls.

From there, a disturbing cycle began, with violence becoming routine – groping, masturbation, rape. “The violence was relentless. Even on days when nothing was happening, I would hear voices and think it was him coming around the corner. I felt like I was in his clutches the entire time I was there,” he says.

Despite the nightmare, Gerard chose to remain silent for a long time. He took refuge in a dark and musty closet, hiding behind the classroom blackboard, waiting for his parents to arrive.

After his first year at school, Gerard decided to defy his father by declaring that he would not return to that high school. He reached an agreement with his mother, who sent him to another boys’ school. He felt relieved because he knew he wouldn’t be reunited with his abuser and he knew his secret was well kept.

As soon as he left school, Gerard began to exhibit aggressive and rebellious behavior. He skipped classes, did not wear uniform, and destroyed walls.

When Gerard came of age, he met a woman he married. His injuries made his sex life difficult because sometimes when he was having sex with his wife, he would catch a glimpse of a priest and get scared.

Gorman, who later became an artist and decorator, developed an addiction to alcohol.

“Alcohol was a crutch. When I was hanging out with my friends, I thought, ‘I’ve lost so much, and this is fun.’ We were just having fun. But it became very dangerous,” he says.

One day, while in the cemetery, he came across the tombstone of his offender in the shape of a recently erected Celtic cross – the grave of Finegan, who died in 2002, respected and revered. Since he was very worried about the situation, he decided to tell his wife everything he had been through.

Gerard attempted suicide, leaving his family devastated. After surviving, he decided he had to tell his story and fight for accountability. It was too late to sue Finegan, so Gerard filed a civil suit against the Catholic Church, which reached a settlement with Gorman in 2017, five years later. The church acknowledged the damages and agreed to remove the priest’s headstone.

Finegan has not been identified publicly. Gorman did this in a 2018 documentary BBC in the spotlight, but in silhouette and under a fictitious name. It turned out that Finegan had raped at least a dozen other boys.

In 2022, Gorman felt ready to reveal his identity and told his story in a memoir, So Young: The Catholic Church Took My Life, written with his brother Damian, a poet and playwright. The book includes testimonies from victims from his family.