“My free time is more important”: the generation of “herbivorous” Japanese refuses dating and sex

In a world once dominated mostly by love, hate and relentless hormones, Japan’s bloodlust is now at an all-time high. little four.

Dating with the opposite sex is in decline, and horny couples bonded over booze, pasta, and the occasional love hotel are absent.

For many women, platonic sisterly cake gatherings have replaced dating rituals with the opposite sex, but they tend to be devoid of any hint of “female power” feminism.

Unfortunately, as the leaders of the country see it, hearts that pump sugar, not temptation, will lead to the collapse of society. The authorities are desperately trying to renew gender in Japan, get married and breed again.

“We are at a crossroads on whether we can sustain social functions,” Prime Minister Fumio Kishida warned last week of Japan’s rapidly declining birth rate. “Now or never, when it comes to the principles of having and raising children, is a question that simply cannot wait any longer.”

Blaming the country’s widespread mistreatment of women – from wage cuts to chauvinism in housekeeping and childrearing – the government is now pledging to do more with a commitment to better childcare and upbringing.

But while the government is trying to boost the birth rate in the interest of national survival, the country’s young women, known as “Joshis,” have heard it all before and have other ideas. Replace men and sex with cake.

“I’d rather have tea with my girlfriends than have a boyfriend a hundred times,” says 22-year-old college student Rena Takita at one of Ginza’s most sybaritic teahouses, Louange Tokyo.

“Even if dating means healing,” she muses amid the silence of the Lounage’s stylish piano music, where a pink-ribbon afternoon tea costs £80 per person. This is almost twice the daily wage of the average young woman working part-time on a contract basis.

With its discreet polished Mortex walls, colossal chandelier and expensive sweets, the tea room is Joshi’s high society territory. While not all of them are wealthy, all female guests are immaculately dressed as Joshi’s patron saint, Audrey Hepburn. Some alone, some in pairs.

But for many young women in Japan, dating a suitable bachelor is no longer worth it.

“My free time is more important,” says Ms. Takita. “I want to keep my hobbies and spend time with my friends.”

When women leave, millions of men also give up the opposite sex and become independent. The era of “o-hitori-sama” (the era of loneliness) marks a new era of mass loneliness and gave rise to the “celibacy syndrome”. Create “herbivorous” men (as opposed to lustful “predators”) who shun romance and sex. According to some polls, between 61 and 75 percent of single men consider themselves “herbivores.”

For some young men, these are real women who don’t fit in with the female fantasy characters that dominate the internet and the media. “I love cute Japanese idols,” one man told a local magazine, referring to Japanese girl groups in the Lolita style. “Who can compete with that?”

Another 31-year-old man told local media that it was a matter of “risk management” and that the ill effects of romance – pregnancy, marriage, lovesickness – kept him from having romance and sex. “Just friends with good coffee and pastries are always better,” he said.

Many Japanese women also say they prefer the world of female company and platonic relationships, stating that being single is easier. The idea of ​​children “seems distant and difficult,” Ms. Takita says, echoing the millions of women who have refused to do what their male leaders have repeatedly demanded and done since the 1980s.

Only 16.5% of teens aged 17 to 19 in Japan believe they will definitely get married in the future, while others cite psychological and financial problems when getting married, a recent poll by the charity found. . Of the 486 female respondents, 52.3 percent said that “loneliness is less psychologically stressful.”

This is a small sample size for a survey, but similar studies over several years show that both men and women are increasingly finding romantic relationships “difficult.” The stubborn refusal to increase the birth rate since about the 1970s indicates that for many, having many children is not a priority.

For some of those still in the dating game, competition from online idols and a few eligible bachelors has led to what some call a toxic form of “feminism” dubbed “Joshi-ryoku” or “female power.”

It’s a trend where women are encouraged to be smelly, hairless and elegant to attract the few eligible men left in Stepford wives dressed head to toe in stylish haute couture. Exposed flesh is out of the question, especially the cleavage.

“It’s just not cool to show your flesh right now,” says photographer Yasuko Ishibashi. “Women’s love of such modest clothing sends a signal to men and women who can care for them that they are not a threat.”

Back at The Louange, Ms. Takita and her friend look like the epitome of this trend and are excited to share their sense of fashion and life without settling down.

“Statistically, more and more young people, both men and women, believe that they do not need to get married. And even when they work, their income is low,” she says.

“There is no state support, and with the birth rate falling, I think this is the reality we live in.”